"Mom, leave him alone," Zephyr grumbled.

Marlone gave him a reproachful glare. "Shhh! Reggie's explaining something to me."

"Reg, Mom. His name is Reg. Now, get away from him."

Reg hadn't even paused. Marlone glanced at him and then back at Zephyr. "If you would please stop interrupting," she said over Reg's steady droning. She patted Reg's knee. "Excuse me one moment, sweetie. Zeph, Reggie and I are having a pleasant conversation, and there's no reason for you to come in here and bully us around. Leave well enough alone." She turned away from Zephyr decisively and nodded again at Reg, who still hadn't acknowledged the interruption.

"Mom!" Zephyr growled. "You are NOT having a conversation! You don't even--" Marlone shooed him away with her hand without taking her eyes off Reg, and Zephyr decided to give up until he could think the situation through. He stormed into the kitchen, where Portia and Marsh sat at the kitchen table. The baby gnawed on a cookie in his high chair. Zephyr threw himself into the chair next to him, interrupting whatever conversation his sister and business partner were having.

"What," he asked without waiting for either of them to say something, "is my mother doing out there? She can't possibly be genuinely interested in remote implant activators. Is she screwing with me, or... or..."

Portia glanced through the doorway at them. "I dunno," she said. "She's not hurting him, and he seems to enjoy having an audience."

"So you think I should let her pull whatever she's pulling?" Zephyr didn't like that idea. He'd been trying to let his mother manipulate him less, not more. And if this were manipulation, it was a low blow.

"Look," said Portia, "if she's trying to upset you, just don't get upset. I'm watching them. If she does anything bad, I'll stop her."

"But I... she called him Reggie! She's trying to piss me off!"

"So don't let her," Portia suggested. She removed a squirmy Bryce from his chair, wiped the crumbs off his face, and balanced him on her hip.

"Yeah," Marsh agreed. "Just don't take the bait. She'd have a hard time hurting Reg anyway."

That's easy for you to say, Zephyr thought bitterly. It was just like his mother to take the one thing that mattered most to him in the world and use it against him. She had always done it. But she had rarely been so subtle about it that even Portia didn't notice. He almost preferred Marlone as an obnoxious drunk... at least then his source for suffering was obvious.

Portia peered thoughtfully at the pair on the couch. "If anyone's having a hard time of it," she observed, "it's gotta be Mom. She looks bored out of her skull. If I were you, Zeph, I'd let this one slide."

"But that's not the point!" Zephyr insisted. "Her intention is to piss me off!"

"So? If all she does is let Reg talk, who cares what her intention is?"

The teapot whistled. Portia dumped the baby on Zephyr's lap so she could tend to it, although Marsh had jumped up with apparently the same intention. Zephyr didn't care. He was happy to let the baby cheer him up while those two stumbled over each other to make the tea.

"Bryce, dude," he said as he shifted the child into a comfortable position. "You're putting on some weight, huh? You da man. The big man with the unfortunate name."

Portia made a face at him. "What's wrong with his name? I thought it up myself. Tea?"

"Sure," Zephyr said. "He sounds like a football player or something. Bryce Mueller, star quarterback. Very un-DeCastle-ish."

Portia harrumphed. "And so what if he does become a football player? He's already started acting like a DeCastle, besides. I think he'll be another one like Brit."

"Oh, wonderful. A football-playing DeCastle... he'll pound on people, but he'll actually be good at it."

Marsh gave him a questioning look over the mugs in his arms. "Pound on people?"

"Yah." Zephyr laughed. "My claim to fame was beating up the school bully when I was nine. Scoff if you like, but I had a secret weapon... surprise. I got left alone a lot after that."

Portia grinned slyly. "Mine was me against five girls, juvie, '88. They were teasing me about my hair color, so I tried to wipe the floor with them. I would've, too, if Jolisha hadn't sat on me."

Marsh eyed Portia's diminutive build and jet black hair. "Why, what's wrong with your hair color?"

"Well," Portia explained, "it was teal at the time."

"Portia was always a bit of a fashion forerunner," Zephyr added.

Portia handed one tea-filled mug back to Marsh and carried the other two to the kitchen table. "So let me tell you the story of Bryce. Cream and sugar?"

"Yah," Zephyr said.

"We were having a hard time agreeing on anything the fourth time around. Brittany Delia was easy. It was trendy but cute and not too common. That was before that Mickey Mouse ho came out... she ruined the name Brittany. I hate her."

Zephyr caught Marsh's eye across the table and smirked. Marsh blinked back with his best stoic look.

"Who d'you hate?" Brit asked from the living room doorway.

Portia invited her over for a hug. "Britney Spears, because she stole your name." Brit giggled as she obliged with the hug.

"Still not very DeCastle-like," Zephyr observed.

"She makes up for it in personality. I did better with Tam. Dan wanted Tamara Valerie, but she ended up being Tamra Valentia. Guess my pen slipped." Portia giggled and gave Brit a last squeeze before letting her oldest wander back into the toy-filled living room. "Daniel Charles Junior is a junior. I wasn't too sure at first, but he really is just like his daddy."

She paused as Brit barreled through the kitchen with a toy, followed by Danny, followed by Tammy.

"He never has the same name twice, though. We started calling him Daniel, then Dan, but it was getting confusing. Then we tried Charlie. But that didn't stick. Now we're back to Danny. Sometimes I call him 'hey kid'."

"How about DC?" Marsh suggested.

Zephyr grinned. "Yeah, the little direct current. If he can't be a DeCastle, he can at least have the initials."

"Cute!" Portia laughed. "So then I got pregnant again, and we were all over the place with names. Dan wanted Matthew or Kenneth. Yick. Or Sandra for a girl. Yickity-yick."

"My youngest is Sandra," Marsh said.

"Oh. Sorry, no offense."

Marsh shugged.

"So anyway, one day I had an appointment with my OB and I was standing around waiting for the elevator, and there was this sign in the hall with everyone's name on it, a kind of a guide to all the doctors. So I was reading it and I saw this one name: Bryce Asel Muamaa, MD. I thought it sounded neat, so I started saying it to myself, and it got stuck in my head for months and months. I kept going around thinking Bryce Asel Muamaa, Bryce Asel Muamaa. Then when the baby was born and I was filling out the birth certificate - Dan always leaves it for me to do, so he has no right to complain, I guess - I just wrote it down."

"Bryce Asel Muamaa?" Marsh asked incredulously, eyeing the baby.

"No, Bryce Asel Mueller. I figured it was close enough."

"Bryce Asel," Zephyr repeated as he swayed the baby side to side on his lap. "That sounds pretty cool. Much cooler than just Bryce. Do you know what ethnicity Bryce Asel Muamaa was?" He thought he might start calling the kid by both names from now on.

Portia shrugged and sipped her tea. "I figure it doesn't matter," she said. "Bryce is obviously a mix... he could be anything as far as anyone can tell."

Zephyr agreed. "He does look a lot like Claudio. Portia's father," he added for Marsh's benefit.

"Yeah, and Muamaa sounds kinda Hawaiian," Portia mused.

"I thought Claudio was Samoan," Zephyr said.

"Whatever. Some island somewhere. Muamaa sounds islandish."

The three oldest kids circled through the kitchen again, screaming and giggling. Bryce Asel squealed at them. Marlone walked in behind them.

"Reggie wants some coffee," she told Portia. "Got any?"

Portia shook her head and looked at Zephyr. "We have tea, or I can make some."

Zephyr glared at Marlone. "His name is Reg, or Reginald, and how the hell do you know he wants coffee?"

"Because he said so!" she shot back.

"Why can't you just leave him alone? Is that so difficult?" Zephyr leaned forward to try to catch a glimpse of Reg, but it was impossible with Bryce Asel on his lap. There were no audible signs of trouble, however.

Marlone stepped up to the counter and started getting the coffee machine ready. "What is so wrong with me talking with my son-in-law?!" she said over her shoulder. "You're acting like you think I'm up to something. Is that it? Do you think I'm up to something?"

Portia got into defense position, but held her tongue. The fact that she was ready to take over for him comforted Zephyr.

"It does seem awfully suspicious that yesterday you didn't like him, and today you do," Zephyr said.

"I never said I didn't like him. I said I thought you should reevaluate some of your decisions. And... okay, maybe I was a bit harsh. Sometimes when he acts all quiet and creepy, I start to wonder. And worry. But if you really love him as much as you keep saying, then it's my obligation as your mother to welcome him into our family."

"Wow," Marsh said not quite under his breath. Everyone turned to look at him, and he blushed as he realized it. Zephyr was grateful. He should have this many people around to steal the spotlight from him more often.

"Wow what?" Marlone inquired sharply. "Why wow?"

"Oh." Marsh hesitated. "Just that it's admirable of you to do that. My parents would never have been so graceful in the same situation."

Marlone brightened considerably. "They wouldn't? Why not?"

Marsh plowed onward. "My family has very conservative beliefs. They don't have much tolerance for people who are different from them in any way. It's almost like they're afraid of them, like they want everyone to be just like them, or else go away. That applies to almost everyone I know. Almost every Christian, anyway. For you as a Christian to accept Reg... that's very noble of you. Not many people I know would be able to do that."

Marlone slid into the empty chair near Marsh, her head cocked slightly in curiosity. "Did your parents have trouble accepting you?" She asked. "Did you say that you're Christian too? How do you manage it?"

"I'm Christian, all right," Marsh assured her. "I believe in Christ and I read the Bible. But the attitudes of the church bother me. All that prejudice, it doesn't seem like proper Christian values. We're supposed to love one another and not worry about the petty details and differences. And it's not just... not just gays; my church officially encourages its congregation to hate all sorts of people."

Marlone nodded. "I know what you mean. When I first started going and they said homosexuality was a sin, I was, like, I can believe that. They didn't tell me to stop loving Zephyr, just to encourage him to quit sinning. But then they started saying bad stuff against Muslims and Buddhists and scientists, you know, evolutionists and them; and new-agers and immigrants. Hell, half my friends before I joined this church were immigrants! Portia's dad was one. And then it was Democrats and pro-choicers... they say they don't hate poor people, but they're disgusted by them, I can tell. They make comments about how this guy is a drug addict and that guy is a dirty alcoholic."

She leaned closer to Marsh and lowered her voice. "I used to have a drinking problem. I beat it, but I still count as an alcoholic. Those people they hate so much... that used to be me."

Marlone paused to let her statement sink in before straightening up and continuing. "So the list of people and things I'm supposed to hate gets longer and longer, and after a while I stop and think, hey, this is an awful lot. Back in the sixties, I tried to love everyone unconditionally."

Portia and Zephyr exchanged a cynical look behind Marlone's back.

"I don't think that's possible anymore, or at least it's a lot of work. But so is hating everyone. I just don't think I can do it, especially since I'd have to hate people I care about. I hate to say it so soon after even becoming a Christian, but I'm already thinking of dropping out."

A dozen thoughts flooded Zephyr's mind, but he said nothing.

Marsh nodded. "I can agree with you there. I did. I haven't been to church in... oh, quite a while. It's sad, but worshipping by yourself is better than worshipping with a bunch of people who look down on you."

Zephyr wondered how much of what Marsh was saying was BS. He hadn't really stopped going to church, had he? Church had always seemed so important to him. But as Zephyr thought back, he realized that Marsh had been available more than usual on Sundays lately. Okay, but surely some of it was BS.

"You know what I think is the last straw," Marlone added. "Some of the ladies and me were talking about our children, and one said her kids all had names out of the Bible. No, two said that. So I told them what I named my kids, and they got all huffy! Like it wasn't good enough for them that one's named after a Shakespeare character and the other one's a fucking Greek god! If that kind of culture isn't acceptable... I dunno. It's too narrow for me."

Portia poured some of the fresh coffee into a cup. "Cream and sugar, Zeph?" she asked.

He nodded, grateful for the interruption. This was altogether too much at once. "Fill it full of calories."

"Pour one for me, too, hun," Marlone said to Portia. When both cups were ready, she headed back into the living room with them.

Marsh blinked at Zephyr with a slight smile. "So you were named after a god," he chuckled.

"That's news to me," Zephyr replied. "I thought she named me Zephyr because Dweezil was taken."

"What were you named after?" Portia asked Marsh. "Swamplands?"

"Nah, nothing so exciting. Some great-uncle I never met."

Zephyr cuddled Bryce Asel, contemplating the discussion he'd just witnessed. When silence settled into the kitchen, he dared to ask the thing that had been bothering him.

"Okay, Marsh, I have to know. How much of that stuff that you told my mother did you make up?"

"Make up?" Marsh looked genuinely astonished. "None of it. It's all true. I just gave it a little bit of a spin to make it sound more relevant."

Zephyr pondered that. "Ah."

"And I really was the victim of condescending attitudes in my old church... just not for the reason your mother assumes. I simply neglected to clarify that."

Zephyr grinned. "You totally rock, man."

Marsh shrugged. "Like I said before, I have one a lot like her."